Monday, November 30, 2009

Man talks about men

Quite unexpectedly I happened to meet a friend last Saturday. We were in one of those over-crowded, under-lit pubs in Bangalore... Loud music, alcohol, crowd -- I wasn't too shocked when everybody around me were getting drunk. He sat next to me and announced that he is going to flirt with me. I dint mind his joke.

He placed a half empty Tuborg bottle on the table, next to an empty one.

Someone started off with the topic about relationships and each of us were confessing about what all shit we ve gone through (mine was the least eventful among the lot).

My birthday was just a few hours away and he told me -- "Its your Birthday night. I ll tell you something about men which i think you should remember when you get into a relationship'

I have listened to a lot of drunken philosophies in the last one year. So again, I dint mind what was going to come.

'I ll tell you how men think about women. Hmmmm... fine, I ll explain in context with the two beer bottles that are in front of us'

Me -- Go on. Listening...

He - 'There are two bottles on the table. One empty, one half full. I only plan on picking the half full bottle and care a damn about the empty one. Do you know why?'

Me - Why?

He - Because, the half full bottle still has something in it for me. The empty bottle is.... 'empty'. I have had it!

Me - hmmm... (i was understanding)

He - This half full bottle is giving me reasons to get back and hold it. That's how a man want his woman to be. Every woman needs love to be the reason. And every man needs a reason to be in love. U understand? A man loves a woman until the day she sleeps with him. After that, no matter how much he is love with her, in his eyes, she has nothing more to offer. So, he naturally falls out of love.

Me - hmmmm....

He - So what I am telling you is... When u love someone, give him what you want to... but, at the same time, make sure that there still something left out (that you have not given) and make sure that he knows that. That will be his reason to come back and hold you. Got me? No matter how far he goes, he ll come back to you for what you still haven't offered yet. An empty beer bottle doesn't interest the man. Half full is more interesting.

Me - Got it.

For some reason, I believed what he said. I needed no proof. This advice will be something I ll remember in the days to come.

On a different context: While writing this I remembered what another friend of mine had written on his Orkut profile:
from my past relationships i learned:
In the words of my Demi God, Homer J Simpson

" Woman are like beer. They smell good. They look good. You would step over your own mother just to get one. But you can't stop at one. You want to drink another woman".


What's with women and beer? grrrr.....

Monday, November 23, 2009

A breath-taking love affair....

Recently I watched the movie/drama 2012 and at the end of it I was enlightened with one thing – The world is gonna be full of water in a few years. Everybody survived in the film because they knew to swim. So what happens to poor ignorant mortals like me?

I walked out of the theater deciding to already learn to swim. I made my shopping list, which had to be dealt with right away.

1. Swim Suit – What the heck! I wouldn’t be wearing a swim suit when the world suddenly decides to drown. I ll be in my night clothes. So, shouldn’t I be learning to swim in my pyjamas? Cut the crap. I don’t have a body for swim suits and can never ever imagine myself wearing something like that. I was devastated with the very first obstacle. :( My friend pulled open my blind eyes – If I go swimming, I might just get a body worth a swim suit. But ofcourse, I ll ve to swim for that. So yes, we went suit hunting and there was only one swim suit in the whole of Bangalore which could cater to my unreasonable demands. No sleeveless (possibly full sleeved, yeah rite!), Decent neckline, Long! (#$%^!) and blah blah blah… So I grabbed that grandma version of a swim suit and ran to the billing counter. The shopkeeper gave me an atom bomb in the form of a bill for tat hardly 2 meter cloth. I gulped, paid and ran out.

2. Shower Cap - Yes, It dint occur to me at all. Thanks to my ignorance. My friend enlightened me again n then we went back for a shower cap. The first one was made of the same material cycle tubes are made of. And was the size that ll fit my kitten’s head. My friend struggled her head into it. I couldn’t breathe, just looking at her. So we opted for another cap which looked exactly like the ones that are tied around the heads of babies, except that it dint have a Winnie-the pooh on it. It was plain black, much to my happiness.

3. Waking up early in the morning

Sigh! Some people are not made to do certain things and this was exactly the thing I am not made for. I ll have to wake up at 6 everyday for the next 15 days. I was depressed again.

The D-day:

I don’t know how but I was so excited with all the shopping that I woke up even before my alarm did. Quickly ran around getting ready and on stepping out I realized that it was pouring. I was depressed all over again. On finding out that my classes weren’t canceled, I decided to reach there somehow, even if it meant hiring a submarine (thanks to BTM roads). So I went there and met this super irritating jackass coach. Some people demand a frown, he did and I gave that to him. However, I wasn’t going to let anything/anyone kill my interest.

The pool is decent, blue n all. 5 feet water (ok, u can laugh. I am only 5 4” feet, so with a bit of determination I can drown in this pool). The water was cold anyways. Over that the rain and the skimpy thing I was wearing – I was shivering, making sounds like a typewriter. I thought I was bad but the guy shivering next to me put me to shame.

So yes, first day classes were held by a helper uncle while that supposed coach stood with an umbrella, out of the pool. I was almost convinced that Swimming trainers were people who gave ONLY verbal and moral support. I was wrong (thank god!). That frowning idiot was not our coach. Ours was OOTP (Out of the Pool, like OOTO – Out of the Office) that day coz of the rain while we were ‘shivering in the rain’

Helper Uncle – Head under waaater medam, Bubbbbleees medam, bubbbless.

Me – Nose under water

H.U – Medam, full head under water

Me – Forehead under water

H.U – Medaaaaaaaaaam, Full head with shower cap inside.

Me – I crouched and managed to put my head into water and started bubbling. When it was too much fun I should have realized that I was going wrong somewhere. I was indeed.

H.U – Medam… No bending hand. Keep straight. Head down.

Me – There you go…

So first day officially included bubbleeeeeeing, Holding the wall and floating and unofficially included shivering, losing breath, frowning, cribbing and many such adjectives. But overall, I must admit, It was too much fun. Enough fun to keep me motivated to wake up the next day. I did….

And so continues my daily steamy (swim-suit), breath taking (literally) affair with water. Over-Chlorinated, yes. But, water it is!

Friday, November 20, 2009

A girl who lost... A woman who never moved on... A wife who lied... A middle-aged woman who was never fully happy... An old woman who died guilty. Life's worth, lost in thought.


Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Some people have the problem of not having any problem to deal with. God bless them all with a few problems.

One issue, too many friends and a lot of funny chat....

I required skype for an official purpose - to interview a US based photographer and when I tried logging in today, i wasnt getting through. On checking with my team mates, I got to know that its not working for all of them. In a attempt to figure out if AOL has blocked skype, I got in touch with a few of my friends. This is what happened.

First comes Vijay:
vsn.vsn: why u wana record (the photographer)?
What will you do Interviewing him?
me: its for an audio interview da
vsn.vsn: Is it gona get published in CNN IBN?
me: no its gonna go live on pixcetera (which is my bread n butter)
vsn.vsn: That's all.. you cal me,.,
i'll speak as if am a photographer
(more bread, more butter)
What say?
me: i laughed for that.. but still... 'poda thendi'
vsn.vsn: why laugh? when I say something serious?
next comes Gaurav Sharma:
me: heyy do u ve skype installed on ur office system?
me.aryan: it don't work...
um not able to login:(
me: damn!1
since wen?
me.aryan: from dec 2007
thats when I joined AOL
me: hahaha

Followed by Ranjith:
me: ranj.. ninte system mein skype idiya?
Ranjith: illa kano.
me: aol network mein skype not workin kane... sakath anger coming.. grr
Ranjith: :) ... ninge baay frend abroadaa?
me: adhikke bere network mein skype work aagatha anthe check maadthaidini....
Ranjith: auda? naan check maadi get back to you...saakaa?
Sent at 4:04 PM on Wednesday
me: eppo get back...
Ranjith: say 15 minutes?
me: ohh great
Ranjith: nange friendo jothe skype ithe. appo avanodu chodichattu ninathra i will say
national integration through languages
me: haha you are right say!
(Please note that this particular chat had Malayalam, Tamil, Kannada, English and Hindi words in it. Hmmph!)

In short.. I ve a very useful set of friends.. none of them gave me a feasible solution to the problem... all stupid boys... joking arnd! :P

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Yesterday, while I was shopping with my friends, a lady simply yelled at me when my laptop bag rubbed on her arm, by mistake. I wasn't even aware. I lost my temper for a moment, my hands almost went up to strangle her. I held on. She went on. My friend yelled at her. She went on. I turned away, bit my lip, clenched my fist,ignored. She went on. Rascals, fools... what not.

If I had strangled her, I would ve been all the above. Good that I dint. I have been a rascal before. Hurts to even think. Whatever led to this change in me has completely taken over my capability to be rude. I cant make myself hurt anybody who deserves to be. I don't know if this is good or bad.

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Blind Cat, I want to be

I like to keep my eyes closed and blindly believe that all's good. I am like a cat in this regard. The real problem arises when I am forced to open my eyes.

Blind cat. That's what I want to be. Now, and for the 9 lives I am yet to live.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Everytime I am troubled or confused or sad or all of it, I feel like running.
Maybe I should buy a treadmill for myself. I might lose some fat. hmm!
Found this fun to read through blog:

Its simple, promises nothing big... but, brought a smile on my face :)
When in pain, cut off whatever gives you that pain.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

I dreamt that I am suffering from Cancer. And somehow, I could feel the pain too. I woke up crying in the middle of the night and cried for a very long time. Seeking for a loved one around, searching for someone to share the pain with and above all, feeling terribly alone (something I haven't felt in ages). I still don't know why.

And now, I have in me some more new-born respect for people who suffer from this painful disease. Take all the blessings (if any) you have in store for me lord and give it off to them. I am happy with what I have. I need no more. They need it.

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Dial Justdial - For anything (and everything)

Marriage, no matter how scary it is for the bride, it is super exciting for the bridesmaids. Very true in our case. Let me introduce to you the 4 member ASS'S club (yes, that's all our first names put together)
FYI - The name ASS'S denotes what we possess, not what we are. (If you can understand, that is. Wink wink).
Last week, one of the ASS'S member Hush broke this exciting news to us - she was going to get married. Our happiness knew no bounds, yes, we were all yelling in the office shuttle.

'yay! We should have a spinster party. It's 'hush's' big day. Let's celebrate!!' said SN
With an exaggerated smile I agreed and so did 'Ana'
Once the initial news breaking moment settled in, horns popped up on all our heads, and it popped first on Miss. SN's head, of-course.

'Ladies!' she announced, 'Let's hire a stripper for the party'
I choked on that statement and Ana looked clueless (as ever!). Of course we dint take the time to explain to her what a stripper meant. It was action time already.

Once seated cozy on the very uncomfortable food-court chairs, SN was pondering on the 'stripper' thought and ta-da! she came up with a million dollar suggestion - 'Let's call just dial'
'WTF!!!' I snorted
Hush couldn't believe her ears, eyes, nose, head, and everything else..
'Am serious guys, Lets call just dial and get a stripper's number' saying so SN called Just dial and here's what happened:

Justdial - Hello Justdial, how may I help you?
SN - Hi my name is SN and I was wondering if you could give me the contact number of a Bangalore Stripper
Justdial - Ok. U need the number of a Bangalore Slipper?
SN - (Giggling) No, Not slipper. I need the number of a Stripper "S-T-R-I-P-P-E-R"
Justdial - Sorry mam. I am not able to understand.. Could you please explain your exact requirement in detail.
SN - (holding the phone away) F!#% she wants me to explain my requirement!
All of us - Ha ha ha ha!!!
Justdial - Mam, are you there?
SN - I think I shud cut the cal

Saying so - she cut the call, threw the mobile on the table and with a saint-like face she said 'My god! I don't believe I just did that' and all of us laughed our guts out.

Two minutes later:
'Just dial guys wont sue me for this right?' (SN with a question mark like face!)
[Hahaha!! They ll not sue you, nor will they ever forget u ;)]
Towards the end of the day, I narrate this whole incident to my friend and he says:

'So, did u get the number for a stripper'
'No silly ofcourse no'
'Well, if you happen to get the number, please pass it on to me'
A thousand question marks rose in my head
'Holy shit! why would you need the number for a Male stripper??'
'Damn! u girls were looking for a MALE stripper????????????'
'~!#!##$^#$%^#$% Alleluia!'