Wednesday, December 29, 2010

New year!
And I want to find million new reasons to feel blessed and be happy.
Love was strong, until the day I wanted you more. Until the day you could give me no more.
Now its weak. So weak that I don't want to be associated anymore. With you. With that connection.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Happy Birthday
Pillow: Long time, no see.
Me: Yes, long time.
Pillow: Do u still cry for him?
Me: I do.
Pillow: Is he still jealous of me?
Me: No
Pillow: Loves you?
Me: No
Pillow: Time to move on, maybe.
Me: Maybe.
Pillow: Is that a yes or a no
Me: Don't know.

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Love this!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

My personal Santa Claus

And I thought that I had no-one who could love me enough to grant me all my silly/unreasonable/outrageous wishes, all the time. Stupid me!

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

To you -

I love you. I really do. But times are different now. From supernatural, I am becoming natural. When I give you something, I want something back. And I want that something to make me happy, the way I make you happy. It's not like all those years ago when all I wanted from you was for you to love me, a little bit. Now, I want the sun, the moon and everything that's above, below and beyond that. I am not unconditional anymore. I have just one condition -- and that's you. I don't want to compromise on that. I am tired of playing the blame game, you don't deserve those accusations. Given the state of affairs, I quit. Quit because I love, quit because I don't want to love you any less. Sorry for not telling you this.

You're always on my mind.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


It's like the torture that's super fun. Ends up giving you a bad headache, a croaky throat and a sleepy next day at work. yawn.

Monday, November 8, 2010

I am good at avoiding/truncating things/people that cause me emotional inconvenience. Everything.
Except you. And that thing we have.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

At any given point in my life, the things I most miss in my life will be my dad's fart and my mom's giggles. Love them to bits. Am such an emotional wreck :(

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"..I called
I just
Need to feel you on the line
Don't hang up this time
And I know it was me who called it over but
I still wish you'd fought me 'til your dying day
Don't let me get away..."
--- John Mayer; Split Screen Sadness

Thursday, October 21, 2010

While knocking the door to let himself inside his house he told her over the phone, 'I wish you would be the one opening the door'

How could she not fall in love?
How could she let go?

Thursday, October 7, 2010

"I think I loved you for no particular reason. It happened. Just like that. Like it was meant to be. Like I was put on this earth to fall for you at that time, at that second. Love, like fate, happened.

hmmm... on second thoughts, maybe that was the reason why I loved you."

Friday, October 1, 2010

"Arranging her mind~all set for the night journey~in his arms~to their kingdom of dreams~He is her wish~to be coming true~in a minute" - Abeer Mohamed

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Simply because I feel like it

Sometimes I disagree with people simply because I feel like it
Sometimes I get angry simply because I feel like it
Sometimes I starve simply because I feel like it
Sometimes I over-eat simply because I feel like it
Sometimes I annoy people simply because I feel like it
Sometimes I love people simply because I feel like it
Sometimes I write simply because I feel like it

Sometimes I feel like its alright to be like this simply because I feel like it
He loved her. But himself more.
The red cat faced back from the coloring paper and blinked at the tiny three year old
Its eyes were black, half body blue and the other half uncolored
The tot ran to her mother to mention the invention
The mother laughed.
She innocently wondered if she drew her mother out of a paper as well.
The pearl rolled from this end of the table to that
and ended up in his hands,
The maker made it into a pendant
He tied it around her beautiful long neck
The pearl now knew why it was born and where it belonged. With her.
Have you ever looked at a crowded road with vehicles whizzing away and felt like you could close your eyes and go across because everything that's around you is unreal, imagined to life?

I have. I think this is what detached means.
'I want to, but I don't want to'
'Me too'
'I want to, ten millions times more than I don't want to'
'Then let's stop worrying'

I wish

Monday, September 27, 2010

Rebelling is good. When it's not against yourself.
K - I have a blue t-shirt which looks almost purple. But not really purple.
Me - Ohhk. So you have a blue t-shirt which is not really blue. It's purple but not really purple. so what color is it? O_o?
Kan - It's blurple
K - No, it's Plue
Me? I was trying hard to stop rolling on the floor :)

Love the adorable madness around me. Makes coming to work worth all the traffic jam. Really :)

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

The solution to one problem cannot be another problem.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

"The day seems a little faded, the colours not as vibrant, the sounds more muted. My world seems empty when you are not here." - L
The winds are so loud amidst all those raindrops noisily sparring with each other.
I want that wind to carry my words and speak it out loud for me.
Maybe I will be heard then.
The emptiness an idiot by choice has to deal with for a lifetime.
I know what that means.

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Internet Obssession

Since the last two days I have been pondering real hard and have come to the conclusion that I am addicted to the internet. I wake up late, every morning. I just have enough time to do some basic cooking and get ready to work. I still find the ten mins to take the trouble of logging into my laptop, connect the photon, wait for the damn thing to work, log on to gmail, facebook, blogs and twitter. Point to be noted is that I usually log off at 2 am in the morning. I know that no ground breaking or life changing updates would have happened in the last few hours. But still I HAVE to log in. Its like doping or something. Every morning I miss the office shuttle because of this. Every morning I continue to do this.

Time to take some time off useless things like FB and gchat! hmph!

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Random Rumblings

Salsa happened very unceremoniously. I just walked in one day and started with the classes. Loved every bit of it. I somehow found the courage to dance in front of atleast 20 other people. I was an awful dancer, I still am. But that dint stop me from doing what I loved. That period was so much fun. Every Monday I waited for the Saturday, and every Saturday I woke up early just because I was too excited. I wouldn't miss classes for anything in the world. I miss that urge now. I want it back.
Start salsa classes again - Note to self

Cooking was something I grew up hating. I hated every bit of it. But now things have changed. I love it. There is no other feeling that can replace the elation you live when a meal you cooked or a cake you baked turns out to be good. I love trying new stuff and everytime I open the lid of the vessel or the cooker to see how my masterpiece looks like, I can easily pass off as the happiest woman alive.
Cook more and, more often - Note to self

Whenever there is a man in my life, I find myself being very very unhappy. Not because they are bad. It's just that the knot brought along with it many many issues and at the end of the day I am overwhelmed with frustration. The sunshine in me dies out. Love makes me unhappy.
If you know you are absolutely undoubtedly incapable of doing something, quit trying. There is no point - Note to self

Swimming is a recent craze. I love it with all my heart. An hour of it makes me feel so peaceful, nothing in the world matters.
Swim daily or atleast 4 times a week - Note to self

I like to paint... although am very bad at it. A chart paper and some watercolors can suddenly add meaning to the hour I spend on it. Maybe I should get better at this and in the process spend time sensibly.
Learn to paint - Note to self

I want to learn to climb walls and build the stamina to trek. I know this would mean gymming, which is by far the only only only activity i HATE in my life. But then while I look at the big picture, it feels worthwhile.
Check with Kan and just do it! - Note to self

I like crochet, once I actually sit to do it. The initial motivation is what is required.
Learn to make a beautiful crochet top - Note to self

Find a new job. The current one is growing on me. It no longer motivates me to get out of the bed in the morning. Time for a nicer change.
Look look look - Note to self

With so much to do, what am I rumbling about?

Thursday, September 9, 2010

Breast Cancer - Be Aware!

A friend sitting next to me is reading articles on Chemotherapy, her mother having diagnosed with breast cancer. The cancer has been growing in for a while now. Her mother's hesitation prevented an early discussion with any of her children. The disease is now spread to other organs as well. What could have been avoided at a premature state is now taking a toll in their lives. The mother is going through pain, the daughter is helpless. The son is running around shuttling between issues and life.

I hereby request every daughter or son to please please please take their mothers for a checkup asap. The checkup doesn't take time and it will do you a world of good to be in the knowing.

Cancer is not for mothers (or anybody for that matter). They are too delicate and loved to go through that pain.

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Sometimes 'everything' is not enough. And sometimes 'anything' is just enough.

Friday, September 3, 2010

"Only unfulfilled love can be romantic" - from Vicky Cristina Barcelona

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Thanks to all the mythology related books I ve been reading recently,

I want to be Panchaali and kick Arjun and Kunti where it hurts them the most.
Be best friends with Krishna.
Seduce Vyasa, learn about my future and change it however it suits me.
Elope with Karna and have a fairy tale life or return Bheem's love and be treated like a queen.
Forbid Shiva from all that fucking dope.
Be Sati and sword fight. And, make Shiva go all nuts about me.
Tell Daksha to go get a life.
Teach Shakuni some manners.
And so much more. That era is so fascinating!

I knew it! I don't really belong to the present period at all. Sighhh

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Don't boss me around too much. Chances are that you will be ignored even while you are dying!
confused in the head
hungry in the stomach
cold in the body
shoes in the legs
kajal in the eyes
ear-rings in the ears
nostrils in the nose
tongue in the mouth
obvious in the obvious
bored in the day

Monday, August 30, 2010

Life is nothing but a series of fortunate events. In retrospect only. Definitely not in the present.
"I saw him walk away, yet again this time. I gave him the guts, the freedom and the power to hurt, again."
Life gave you a second chance, you trashed it. Don't call life funny ever again. You are. Life isn't.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

A smell that lasts forever

The whole wide world made to feel just a handful by connecting all humans (and few weird animals) through just one big web, the whole of that web contained within a tiny mobile phone -- Well, I have no reasons to not believe in the power of the human brain which conceives such technologies.

I decided to jot down my personal 'I want this technology' wish-list. (Bear with me!)
A magic wand which would pull perfect clothes for me from my misused/miskept wardrobe, everyday
A mind reader which would tell me what that hot guy sitting on the other table is thinking about me
An internal magnet which would (fatally) attract him towards me
A thermometer to measure the jealousy quotient that will pass through my friends when I break the news to them...
Well... I have to admit, I can get greedy and illogical at (most) times.

Amidst such unreasonable wishes, I do have a fair demand.

A smell recorder - yes, the one that will record all my favorite smells into a chip which I can carry around wherever I go! More often, in my case, a person's smell is more memorable than their face or the times I have spent with them.

Fresh smell of rain brings back memories of a backpack trip to Coorg with friends. Without a shoe to do the trek, without a jacket to fight the cold. Ah, the peace the place bears. Ah, the smell!

The strong fragrance of the room freshener brings along with it strong memories of Trivandrum. First time living alone, first time being alone. Ah, the boredom. Ah, the smell!

The nostril filling smell of elaichi while being added into boiling payasam fills my heart with memories of mom. The Onam, the vishu, the family. Ah, all that love. Ah, the smell!

The 'chill'y smell of ice cubes bring tears as it reminds me of him. His touch was so cold. Makes me smile as well :) Ah, him! Ah, the smell!

Smell of cigarettes invoke in me the memory of being surrounded by drunken and doped idiots at the Bangalore Oktoberfest with Indian Ocean braying in the background. Ah, the irritation. Ah, the smell!

The smell of Sandalwood fills my heart with the face of my favorite uncle. Ah, the care. Ah, the smell!

I want that recorder. Now. To record the smell of my mother's sweat (yes, I adored it as a kid), the odor of my favorite old book, Bangalore rains, and so many such special smells ...

When the years pass by, the old book might wear off, bangalore might have bid farewell to me, my mother could be oceans apart - but the recorder will remain close to my heart. Every-time I inhale my favorite smell from the recorder, a favorite memory would cross my mind bringing along with it flashes of the years and the people that passed by. I will never forget my life. I will never grow old :)
Someday, when the boiling volcano in me erupts, I want it to do so in utter style. I want everything in the vicinity destroyed. Hmph! X-(

Thanks to certain people and the way they induce hatred in you.
Q: Nyan ninne angu kettiyaalo?
A: Poda thendi.

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

I think in any relationship, any, its important to re-arrange yourselves at regular intervals. So that giving and taking is equally distributed.
Q - Is it too difficult to be nice to people?
A - Yes. With some people it is very very very difficult, no matter how hard you try.

Saturday, August 21, 2010

As I look into his eye and jack him with millions of questions and accusations, the black Krishna just gives me a 'yeah right!' smirk. I don't like him too much at the moment. hmph! Poda dai! X-(

Friday, August 20, 2010

Dancing makes me feel sexy. very.

Even when am at home, with oily hair, boring night clothes and no shoes! Its one of those extremely powerful things I ve seen live in simplicity :) Hence all my love and addiction!

Thursday, August 19, 2010

I know it means nothing. But it made me feel happy. Very Very happy. Thank you :)

Elvis Presley's 'Always on my mind':

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

What's in a name?

It was an easy arrangement. He had a girlfriend. She knew he wasn't for her..

But they loved talking to each other. Buddies. Maybe that's the word. No. Not just buddies. They were not kids. Adults. And so was their relationship.

A relationship of convenience, you could call it.

They were friends, when they wanted to be.
They were co-philosopher's, when life throttled either of them.
They were lovers when there was the need.
Physical? Maybe yes. True love? Maybe yes. Time-pass? Maybe yes. Soul-mates? Maybe yes.

He spoke. She listened. She spoke. He tried to listen.

The past dint mean much, the future was better unknown. The present was what that mattered.

She did not know what was in his head. He had no idea what she was thinking. They just spoke. Strangers? Maybe.

They spun webs of an imaginary world. A world where they would be with each other. A paradise where nothing was wrong.

Dreamers? Maybe.

They wanted to know how it feels to be with each-other. To hold. To kiss. To look. To live.

Wishful thinkers? Maybe.

It was all easy, until they tried to coin a name for what was happening between them.

Lovers? Not quite.
Friends? Not at all.
Soul-mates? No
Strangers? Never
Nothing? Maybe yes.

The arrangement was not so easy after-all. Isn't it?
Happy Birthday Sunshine!
A thousand best wishes coming your way... Much more than you can wish. Much more than you can take :) Good luck with life in general... And many other things in particular!

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Over-priced books -- Valueless right from its inception.
Am a book lover. I have the right to say this.

"I've loved you so, and may just love you still;
For in my soul love isn't yet extinguished.
But let this give you not one moment's spill:
I'd never want to cause you grief or anguish.

I've loved you hopelessly, and yet so dearly,
To shyness and to jealousy condemned.
So tenderly I've loved you, so sincerely,
God grant you may be so well loved again."

Friday, August 13, 2010

I am hating you. Slowly. Deeply.

I am loving myself. Slowly. Deeply.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Its a non-human tendency to stay away from something if you love it with your life. Well, if you don't love it that much, then there's no problem staying away from it. No matter how much you fake otherwise!
In-between his selfishness, my yearning and the world's unfairness, I feel wasted. Utterly undeniably wasted.

Let go Let go Let go Let go Let go ... ..

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

It's so difficult to understand what's running in his head. As hard as understanding what running in mine.

At-least we are similar when it comes to this one thing.
At the end of the day, humans are capable of getting used to everything. anything.

Which I think is a good thing :)
As she gets ready to tie the knot, I cant help but feel that we almost grew up together. Dreamed of the perfect man together, the perfect marriage together, the saris to wear, the showing off to be done, everything. I remember your tears and the happiness that followed. If you had not let the elusive element 'time' to take over what we once termed as unbreakable friendship, I would have been there through every small step you took into your new life. But now, all I can do is sit kilometers away from you and wish you all the goodness and good luck life, love and marriage can offer.

Happy Marriage. Happy Life. Happy Everything.

Monday, August 2, 2010

With all the goodness in her heart, all the flaws in her soul and the love for a him, sitting wide awake at 3 AM in front of a black god whose existence she truly believed, she begged Krishna for an answer.
He said - "No"

So it will all remain a No, until Krishna himself comes down and proves otherwise. She secretly waits to live that day.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Q - I want to paint the sky silver and hang disco lights.
A - Set Podalam.


Sunday, July 4, 2010

And so she left the city. To where she belongs.
And along with those many bags, I sent with her, a piece of me.

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Me - Can I ask you something?
He - No.

Point noted.

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Death of a passion.
Hate. Hate. Hate.

Friday, June 18, 2010

"They will pick me from beside you and throw me out :("
"Unna thoda vida maataen"

There was a time when such silly things would made me the happiest person alive. Whatever happened to those times. Who stole it from me? I want it all back. Now. NOW!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Sometimes all I want in life is to say the word NO and mean it.

Monday, June 14, 2010

It takes very little to make me very happy.

why don't you just give it a try. once.
I did nothing.
The paradise had a curtain with a string which when pulled down filled the landscape with the containing sun's astounding brilliance. A remote control button popped out the moon and its radiance could evoke love in even incapable souls. The silver deer leaked mercury colored droplets as it passed by you. The branches saved droplets of rain; the tree always shed surprise showers. The water fall was a vision so fulfilling; no canvas, no human eye could ever capture its beauty. My feet walked over soft grass; no rug could replicate that softness. As I counted, the stars dropped into my hands, I removed their silver wrapper and popped that delectable dark chocolate into my mouth. It melted, awakening my spirits. I chose the color of the sky. Today its green and white... wondering if I should change the shades. No, I should just let it be... The peacock dancing around me just gifted me a beautiful feather. Let me pin it at my side locks. Ah, It makes me look beautiful. I looked at the pond and my reflection smiled in agreement to that little fashion statement. The passing fishes lit the pond up with regular shimmers. The aroma was so fulfilling, I could never get tired of this place. Everything so beautiful. Everything made for me.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Its going wrong. All wrong.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Alice Kingsleigh: Do you think I've gone..round the bend?
Charles Kingsleigh: I'm afraid so. You're mad,
off your head!
But I'll tell you a secret: All the best people are.

Courtesy: Kiran Castelino (and Alice in Wonderland ofcourse)

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

A this that is not really exciting and a that that is all the more exciting.
That is definitely greener than this. Real life story.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

I participated. So I will not accuse.
But the selfishness has left a bad taste in my system.
You will know me no more.

Monday, June 7, 2010

When being with a person feels awfully taxing, you should know that its time to run for your life.

Saturday, June 5, 2010

I think life is the worst of procrastinators.

There always 'that' something 'life' can give you, and can give you soon. But it starts procrastinating, dragging it long long long. And finally when it gives you that thing, it has long stopped meaning anything at all! Life needs some major lessons on how important is it to do things at the right time.
I had to leave because I liked you very very much.
Combination of two opposite statements

Friday, June 4, 2010

What I don't know, doesn't affect me. Sometimes I don't really want to be in the knowing.

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

"I have always respected the mental hygiene of non-interference" - Humbert Humbert (Lolita)

Beautifully said!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

It annoys me when people ask for an opinion after having made the decision.
Two of my friends Kunal Basu and Kruti Kothari have done a very interesting photo project involving mythological characters... check this link and vote for them!

Monday, May 31, 2010

I almost always disobey my own orders.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

I badly want that thing. The thing I am not supposed to want.
I am tempted to use an eraser and make a tiny break in that line. That line which separates 'right' and 'wrong'.

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

I acted mean. very very mean.
Its all for the good. I think.

Monday, May 24, 2010

You had the means. I dint.
I had the brains. You dint.
To every mother and father -- who were blessed with amazing amount of love and cursed with very less opportunities in life -- who nurtured their children with the most basic means of living and turned them into confident young stars - "Bravo! Job very well done!"

An ode to my parents... Love you two in a way words can never describe.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

Two days ago in my dreams I was being chased by turtles. This h-u-g-e turtle was running to catch me. I was sprinting like a mad woman, as fast as I could.The farther i went from the turtle, the nearer it got to me. It bumped me with its shell and I screamed for help and kept running. I woke up sweating at 4 AM.

Dream Interpreter says:
To dream that you are being chased by a turtle, indicates that you are hiding behind a facade instead of confronting the things that are bothering you. '

The interpretation zapped me way more than the actual dream did. How very true!
A ray of happiness which fills her in the night,
gives her hope for a life,
Gets mercilessly carried away by the first break of dawn.

It was a dream, she wanted to believe.
It is real, she refused to believe.

One of those things which is good when not understood.

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

Kiran - Noamannnnn! you speak urdu at home, don't you?
Noaman - yea...hhh..sss. hmmm. yes.
Kiran - Say something in Urdu. Now now
Noaman - Errhhmm.. mm.
Kiran - Come on!
Noaman - Okhay! 'Booomb... waha podo!'


Sharu - I need a haircut. i need a haircut. I. need. a. haircut
Me - Yawwwwwwwn
Kruti - I can cut if for you.
Sharu - Super. Can u do it now?
Kruti - Sure, I cut my nails quite often. Will that experience count?
Me - heheehehehehhahahahahhhhuhuhuhuhuhhahehhehrherawe!

Snippets of what makes Bangalore even more pleasant - Aol. and the adorable madness around here!

A day will come when I will be hurt. Much more than now. Much more than I ever will be. I will have to stand and watch it happen. There will be nothing I can do.

But you know what, fuck that day!
There are times when one mistake which makes you so not proud of yourself gives you a whole new reason to smile. And live.

The moment when everything feels right -- I think I now know what that moment is.

Monday, May 17, 2010

Sometimes its important to know when people need you.
And most of the times, its very important to know when they don't.

Friday, May 14, 2010

I like:
Pattu Pavadai (Silk Skirts)
Kolusu (Anklets)
Mookutthi (nose ring)
Valaiyal (Bangles)
Masala Dosa
Thiruvalluvar, his Tamil
Thaali & Metti (Mangalsutra and toe ring)

I am a proud mallu who is a 90% paandi (Tamilian) :)

Thursday, May 6, 2010

There's so much to do, outside. I am stuck, inside. Damn.

Monday, May 3, 2010

One moment when everything feels right. I want that moment.

Friday, April 30, 2010

Roxette - It must have been love

Lay a whisper on my pillow

Leave the winter on the ground
I wake up lonely, is there a silence
In the bedroom and all around

Touch me now, I close my eyes
And dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out

Make believing we're together
That I'm sheltered by your heart
But in and outside I turn to water
Like a teardrop in your palm

And it's a hard winter's day
I dream away...

It must have been love, but it's over now
It was all that I wanted, now I'm living without
It must have been love, but it's over now
It's where the water flows, it's where the wind blows

It must have been love, but it's over now
It must have been good, but I lost it somehow
It must have been love, but it's over now
From the moment we touched till the time had run out

Saturday, April 17, 2010

They ask me one question and I often end up giving at-least three answers.

There are so many characters around me, am impressed.

The brown bottle at the side casts a dark shadow. He is a bad bad man.
The half open cupboard stores some big secret. She is so mysterious.
My stockings are madly in love with each other. Entwined. Honeymooning around. Love is busy.
The mosquito repellent has a bright head. Yeah, he is an intelligent chap.
My earphones lie messy. She is one big mess.
The two liter bottle mocks at the half-liter one. Yeah, he is a snob.
The half-liter bottle gives in. Argh, such a loser.
The pink bottle cares a damn for the other two. Ah! She is so confident.
My anklets make a sound, without my permission. Rebellious, I d say.

'She is too judgmental' They all say to themselves. Looking a me.

The breeze is busy... flowing past me to cool down my room-mate who is wiping her sweat in her sleep, in this hot summer night...
The crickets are occupied... Chit-chatting with the lone cow I see outside my window...
The ugly black bug is the busiest... buzzing around the night lamp and trying to conquer the artificial light...
The drunk man is walking on four legs, alcohol talking rubbish...
My stockings, hung on the chair, are romancing around with the air from the ceiling fan... They are performing a tiny bit of ballet around me...
Dogs are barking as they fight to impress the snobby bitch. She is one and they are five. Busy woman she is, looks like.
As the clock strikes 2.05 AM, so many things are doing so many things around me.
And me, am sinking in the feeling of having no purpose. Of having nothing to do.

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Sony - Guys, any of you have duct tape?
All of us - No o o o o o
Kunal - No i dont, am usually very quiet.

(Slap yourself if u don't understand this)
Its amazing how my memory works.... Right after something bad happens, my memory gets so painfully strong that I feel like letting go of everything. Eventually they grow stronger, making it even more difficult. And one fine day, it runs out leaving big empty spaces in my brain. I don't remember anything bad that's ever happened to me, for long. After a few months I reach a point when I have to dig through, real hard to find at-least one bit of that bad memory. But no, nothing remains. Its empty.

I love the way it works. It makes it easier for me to forgive people and their shortcomings. Life becomes worthier and I become happier.

Forgetting and thence forgiving is cool. Really, really cool.

Monday, March 8, 2010

I want
I want
I want
I want
maybe I really don't. hm mph. (calls for an urgent research on myself)

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The fourth stage of grief.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Half-done things prick me.
I cannot leave a place for the last time without the knowledge that I ll never go back there again. I need to go back, to complete.
I cannot give away my last kiss without the knowledge that I ll never kiss again. I need to know and kiss, to complete.
I cannot let go without the knowledge that am actually letting it go. I need to hold, realize and then let go. To complete.

And when I don't complete, I am a mad woman bit by a rabid dog. God bless my eternally-restless soul.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Valentine's Day

They were on that tiny bed, all drunk, making love.
'Irrevocable love' she announced to the night.
'Mad love' he yelled to nothing in particular

'You are mad' she laughed into his ears
'And, you are irreplaceable' he bit her nose

'Why isn't this plant showing any signs of bearing a bud?' she complained
'Hmmm.. why plant, why?' he asked the plant
'It's not funny, I WANT A FLOWER FROM THIS PLANT' she insisted
'GIVE HER A FLOWER, U STUPID PLANT' he mockingly demanded
'It's not funny' she yelled and left the room
He was always amazed at how little things affected her so much.
An hour later, she came back to the pot with a long face. A quick stare at him -- one dangerous frown and a look back to the no-flower pot, a look back at him -- and her eyes popped out in shock.
'WTF!!!' she laughed out

'Well, looks like the plant heard you'
(He had stuck a rose bud inside the flower pot)
she hugged him, for his love. A little tighter, for his stupidities. After-all, that was what she loved him most for.
'From now on, if you need a flower or a bud or an airplane -- just yell at the plant. Your wish is its command!'
'No way, you cannot have that freaking poster on the wall' she yelled out, almost willing to bash him up
'What's wrong? why cant I keep it there?'
'What's wrong? you actually have the balls to ask me what's wrong? you moron, you you sex maniac. You, womanizer' she breathed heavily, trying hard to concentrate on words.
'Womanizer? What the hell. I have artistic eyes and I appreciate beauty. Megan Fox is God's most perfect creation. Why cant I appreciate that? It's a spiritual feeling'
'Fuck off! U stick that picture there and I am going to call my lawyer and stick divorce papers on that freaking megan fox!'
'Like you ll do that. Megan remains here. But, that doesn't mean I ll love u any less!You are my wife and Megan here is my mistress, sort off'
'I am so gonna call my lawyer' yelling so, she walked out of the room
'Where the shit is my mobile' she walked back into the room after 10 minutes, blind with fury
'At the dressing table, baby'
'Baby my ass. You stay away from me you moron. Go have fun with that that megan thing.' Saying so she pointed at the poster
'One look at the poster and she gasped - Holy shit! and laughed out loud
He had stuck her face on the poster and had written in bold - 'Will you be my mistress, my dear wife?'
'How mad can a person get?' she said, almost giving up.
'THIS MAD' he said, pointing at his reflection in the mirror.


With tears swelling her eyes she looked at the bed, 'their bed' on which they cuddled together every night. The blooming rose on the flower pot brought in her a feeling of remorse. The megan fox poster made her cry out loud.

How much she missed him. Every small thing around her brought so many memories, she found it hard to breathe. Her near perfect life gave her such pleasure in his form that many a times she caught herself feeling jealous of her own life.

Every morning, she fought with him. Religiously. The wet towel on the bed gave her a blood pressure boost. The uneaten breakfast infuriated her. The search for the lost sock, every morning, made her almost give up. She fought with him with so much hatred every morning, with that much intensity they made love in the evenings. Life with him was so natural - Like burping, or having a headache or even farting. So natural that she almost took it for granted. Every-time she was
upset, she blamed it on him. He fought back, she roared back; the small one bedroom apartment was so full of life, so full of him -- Her Husband.

After two long years of grieving for an unworthy boyfriend who walked away without a care, she found it hard to move on with life. It pained her parents to look at their darling daughter go through such trauma. The wedding was fixed
quite urgently. Her parents loved him the very first time they spoke to him. They told him everything. He agreed to the marriage, with a smile; the smile that would in the coming days make their daughter fall crazily in love with him.

She denied, cried, threatened to kill herself if they forced her to marry anyone. They forced her anyway. Without having seen him ever, she agreed to her mother's tears. The wedding happened, the bride never having met the bridegroom. The bridegroom, a pleasant young man so full of life.

One year into the marriage, he was her best friend with whom she fought like mad, worst enemy to whom she made passionate love, honest critic she detested and a pleasant flirt she loved. He was her everything.

Now, when he is at the hospital fighting for life, after an awful accident, she sits in her room, surrounded by him -- his memories, asking God to grant her just one more chance to be good to him. She promises the air that she will never take him for granted again, never ever complain, never crib, never irritate him. 'Just one chance lord. Please' she cried out.

One month of him not being around, she missed yelling at him in the morning, missed the wet towel on her
bed, the uneaten breakfast pained and she promised to find his lost sock, every morning, for the rest of her life. Without complaining. She promised the air, promised megan fox, swore to the plant, she vouched to the bed -- just one more chance.

Her mobile rang, her dad said - 'He is going to be alright dearie, the doctor's say. Come back soon, he wants to see you first'

Unable to hold her self, she struggles. Runs down the stairs and drives to the hospital. He was there, with open eyes staring at her deeply, with that killer smile on his face. As she walked towards him, she thanked all the gods she ever
knew and all the others she dint, for having given her that second chance.

Two months later --

'One work I give you and you cant fucking do that'
'What's wrong. I did it. Dont you see?'
'Oh really! I gave you the atta to make dough for rotis! Do you remember that??'
'Exactly what I did! Dont you see?'
'Dont I see? You moron of a man! I see an airplane and a freaking Lamborghini made out of atta!! Is that what I asked you for?'
'Wow! This house has no room for creativity. So much negative energy out here. I think I shud just get out of here and live with a woman who will appreciate my artistic sense'
'Oh really! why dont you go off then, find that freaking woman to live with. The worshiper of artistic sense!'
'I think I ve already found her!' he smiled into glory
'Yeah, your friend. That bomb. Man, she laughs at all my jokes. Appreciates all my quirks!'
'My friend? That slut... Am gonna sue u for this. Polygamy is it? You bastard. Take the divorce papers first. Am calling my lawyer'
'Oh, don't waste your time. I ve already done that for you'
She was zapped
'Open the drawer, divorce papers await your signature'
With trembling hands she pulled open the draw. Looked into it and cried out of joy. Nestled carefully between two tiny red hearts was a Belly chain with his initials carved at the edges. There was a card reading 'Happy Valentines Day honey. Will you be my valentine. For life?'
Amidst all the commotion of daily life, she had almost forgotten that it was Valentine's Day. She turned around and ran towards him. He gave his trademark smile, sitting on the wheelchair. They remained hugging, for a very long time.

She thanked life for giving her a second chance. Another chance to love him.
He thanked life for sticking on to him and swore that he ll take additional care of himself, so that he can be there for her, forever.

Happy Valentines Day people!

Thursday, February 11, 2010

I like people's presence of mind sometimes.
And appreciate the absence of it most of the times.
In my present state of mind, I can easily pass off as a mad woman bit by a rabid dog.

And, I am not over-exaggerating.

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

The extra-ordinary grew on me. On my nerves, to be exact.
I decided to look for ordinary.
When I finally decided to settle for the ordinary, it turned out to be below-ordinary.

Where have all the ordinaries gone?

Monday, February 8, 2010

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things that I cannot change,
Courage to change those that I can
And, the wisdom to know the difference.

I need the wisdom first.

Sunday, February 7, 2010

There was only one difference between the way they were falling in love with each other.

The more she was falling in love,
The more he was falling out of it.

A relationship's worth thus got lost somewhere in this difference.

Friday, February 5, 2010

More often, the fight is to choose between the bad and the worse. Good is never an option.
I opt for the good. Hence I don't participate.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Her Easy-going nature
His Passion
Her ability to laugh
His ability to care
Her go-getter attitude
His I-care-a-damn character
Her independent nature
His light heartedness
Her strength
His straight-forwardness

I want to cut all of these and embed it into one body -- the one which I would name 'The Perfect Human Being'

"Its very easy to depress you."

Yes. It is. Very.
Corporate Gossips
Incompetent but self-proclaimed genius kind of people
Cough Syrups
Mustard Sauce
Another person's sufferings

(Few of those things that I shud stay away from, for my own well-being)

Everytime am in an elevator, even if I have friends (with whom I can chat) around, all I do is religiously look up at the lift display and see everytime I pass through a floor. That action of mine is not going to speedup the process of moving between floors, nor is it going to prolong it. Then why do I do it?

(One of those things that makes me wonder so much about myself)

Friday, January 29, 2010

"Its a privilege to grow old with the person who loves you." - P.S. I Love You

Thursday, January 28, 2010

OK. So yes, I am all game for a new job...

I need a job where:

One day I cant write. The other day, I can work on photos. The next, I can learn to photograph. Day four, I can design something, On the fifth day -- I get to work on Macro-media Flash or Audio-edit or video-edit or other things. And, I get to swap the work between days. I am willing to put in my usual 12-14 hrs everyday.

And, Day six and seven -- I ll get to continue to dance, swim, watch movies and do everything for which I my pay-cheque pays.

I know all this might sound as a laid-back worker's unreasonable demands. But, mind you -- I never ever take a job for granted. I put in a lot of effort towards responsibilities.

Its just that, I am a quick learner and I know bit and pieces of varying software used for different purposes. Is it not possible to have a job where I don't have to let all that knowledge rot?

Whenever I own an organization, I ll make it a point to let people use all their knowledge to gain much more, and in the process -- earn money for me. A symbiotic working relationship, that's what I am looking at.

Any takers for me??

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Thanks for the memories ...

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

When Audrey, a 55+ year old intestinal cancer patient cleared her almost non-existent voice and said 'God Bless You All' when we went to meet her after donating blood for her, I felt like I was forgiven for at-least one of the sins I have committed in my life.

Am going to donate blood regularly, once in three months.

Appreciate any of you who wish to follow this. Its the tiniest bit of help we can do as humans.

Friday, January 22, 2010

Soul mate

More often, they are never the same person. Why?

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Ola Amigos!
(NOTE: this could be a sloppy cheesy post)

Its 'World Hug Day' today and this post is a tribute to that.

Popular assumption among my friends and family is that I am against hugging. I ll take this chance to tell them all - No. NO. N.O I am not against hugging. Its just that, from where I come (a small heaven named Coimbatore), nobody really hugged anyone.. So I grew up thinking that Hug is something very personal, something that is shared between a couple or romantically involved people. Although I got out of Coimbatore, I found it difficult to get used to being hugged. So most of the guys I know of stay away from me and my girl-friends often complained. Hm mm, to all of u - There are times when I have wanted to hug one or the other of u guys. But I held back, only coz it felt odd. Only if you guys had come forward and hugged, I d have passed off as a teddy bear :)

So here goes my official reasons to hug the most important people in my life. (No, I will not include 'Milind Soman' in this list :P)

For just being the person that you are. If there is one person I can never hurt, never stop loving and never ever seperate from my own self, its you! HUGGGGGGGGGGGG!

For all that unconditional love. I think I have been really mean to you at times. Its just that, I dont have a very human way of telling people how much I love them. Sorry for everything. Love you.

Sis (Younger)
Sometimes being my elder sister and most of the times being an acute pain. Cannot think of a world without u. You are just another extension to my body. Like an extra hand or leg. HUGGGGGGGGGGGG!

For all those years of being there for me. I know I never say this, but, I genuinely care for you and want good things to come your way. HUGGGGGGGGGGGG!

For making me fall in love. You are irreplaceable. And so is the way I feel for u. Love you. HUGGGGGGGGGGGG!

For being there, forever :) You are one other person who deserves good things in life. I ll be around to see you much happier than you are now. Way to go girl! HUGGGGGGGGGGGG!

For all those happy moments we had together. The midnight surprises, first kiss, every small thing. Wish they lasted longer.HUGGGGGGGGGGGG!

For being my alter-ego. Despite the obvious differences You are my personality's mirror reflection, I have felt often. HUGGGGGGGGGGGG!

For being a sweetheart. My confession box :) HUGGGGGGGGGGGG!

For having been a best friend. I feel terrible that things changed because of my stupidity. I know we are still friends but nothing will ever be the same, the way it used to be........ But those good old days are tremendously missed. HUGGGGGGGGGGGG!

And a million other people I have wanted to hug........ Love you all! HUGGGGGGGGGGGG!

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Much ado about nothing. Or... about something that meant everything.

Monday, January 18, 2010

15 reasons why I should not (or should) kill myself:

1. I am a unique asset to the sports world. Please don't assume that am boasting, but honestly, I have never seen anyone who can be so pathetic at everything related to sports.
Tennis, cricket, and everything else - The only connection I have with these games is the way I drool over HOT players.
Carroms - argh! I am quite a sight when I play that. If I hit a coin, its merely coz of the location change in my birth stars.
Foosball - Mostly I am hitting the ball to the wrong side.
basketball - by far, my only fav. sport. The best I ve done here is winning a Mr. Bean (ok,u can rofl) key-chain after playing in Amoeba!

2. I have the most sexiest legs in the world.
They never ever touch the ground when am seated. Almost always, my legs are dangling in the air. I plan to donate my legs for scientific research after my death.

3. 6 months and still super bad at Salsa.My partner usually sweats trying to spin me.

4. Cooking - Never-mind.

5. Sleeping - preferred duty. Done shamelessly. Anywhere, anytime.

6. At 21, I tried my hand at/on a two wheeler. After I tried for a while, my friend who was teaching me how to ride, genuinely felt that I should not touch a vehicle in my life again. I have been blindly following her advice since then :P

7. I attended violin classes for two weeks. I tried all tricks -- not to play the damn thing -- but to get myself out of those classes. Nothing worked. Finally I cried out loud, and they chucked me out. That was the most peaceful day in my life.

8. Even after 15 days of swimming classes, I swim like I am drowning in water. Everybody in the pool knows me well by now. (not coz am a great swimmer, but because I go n bang on to everything/everybody, everytime)

9. I have a peculiar way of dealing with men. I have had two and a half breakups without ever being in a relationship.

10.I go for long walks and occasional jog around the park. I walk straight into a hotel and belt like a pig.I eat subway salad for lunch and a sinful sizzling brownie for dessert. Go figure.

11.When people complain, I feel like chewing their heads of. no no, am not complaining about that :P

12. I have been knitting a muffler for around three months. (It ideally takes 24 hrs)

13. I have three skirts with no matching tops... And I have three tops with no matching pants. Shows how smart I am while shopping.

14-15. I have never ever completed anything that I have started (well, eating excluded)

So many reasons, so many near-perfect characteristics -- I keep telling myself that it ll be a huge loss to the world if I kill myself. Thus, I decide to live longer :P