This time I leave here knowing when I will return. But someday if I have to go away, without a fixed return date, please know in your heart that I will return. To you. To us. I go, only to come back to you and stay forever. For ever.

As routine takes a knife and starts cutting into me, little by little, every passing hour, I decide to save myself. I need to stop feeling useless. There's so much I can do. So very much. The fact that I know this makes it even worse. I want to wake up every morning and feel proud of myself, the way I used to. Today, I wake up unwillingly, drag myself to a job I don't love anymore. Being with anything or anyone you no longer love, is a shame. To yourself. So that's what is leading me away from here. Anywhere, is my destination preference. Anywhere where I will know I am working hard and not just lazing around.

For the first time in my life, I went to the temple to pray for someone else. Someone very dear.

God, be merciful. Not for my sake. For his. For I believe he deserves it.

Thank you.

>>I believe
>>I wish

I closed all doors, except one.

>>I don't want you to find it.
>>or, do I?

I am terrified that someday my headphones' plug will come out without warning and the sidey songs I listen to will play out loud for all of Aol. to hear.

>>maanguile poonguyile, Mel isaiye
>>i love sidey!

My memory goes through an annual overhaul of sorts, after which I have mostly forgotten the previous year's terrible people and terrible times.

>>programmed to be happy
>>new discovery

Apparently tying yourself to someone is liberating.

>>irony
>>happy