Thursday, August 23, 2012

Do you like him?
Does he make you laugh?
Does he care?
More than you do?
Does he make your life look good, in retrospective?
Do you want to wake up to him every morning?

Good for you.

Thursday, August 9, 2012

Fattophobia - How to deal with it!

Doctor’s say, when you are depressed you tend to put on weight. But I say you are depressed because you are putting on weight!
Those who agree… say ‘AYE!’ Those who don’t are surely the ones who were born thin. Please stop reading this. It’s irrelevant to you. Ok, am just jealous.
Women/girls/even kids these days have one cold enemy they want to bash up at any point in their life. No, am not talking about men. It’s that annoying circular/square/elliptical/awful thing that shows our weight in numbers. Yes, the weighing machine.
First of all, let’s all get together and pray for the moron who invented that thing. May his soul get fried in hell.
My everyday routine is… well, hmmm… unnecessary here. However, I get into my office cab in the afternoon and this colleague starts her saga about how little she ate, how early she woke up, two hours of intense workout and how important it is to become slim. The salads to eat, the biryanis to avoid and many such things which make me feel terrible. Terrible about eating, terrible about not working out and super terrible about the additional 10 kg I carry on me. I get off the cab all depressed, too sad to concentrate on my surroundings. I look up and see the same colleague sneaking into the office with a cup of sinful Devil’s Own (chocolate + coffee + ice-cream + whipped cream + lots of other sins) hijacked from the neighboring coffee day and the depression vanishes. I mentally invite her to join my i-want-to-reduce-but-i-can’t-let-the-chocolate-go club.
When an annoying aunt tells me that I have OH MY GOD put on weight, when the shopkeeper reminds me that I am a plus size, when the tight pants, short shirt loafer on the road tells me that am fat – I understand the rage which caused humans to create something as devastating as the atom bomb. I would, if I had the brains.
Everyday I see people making fun of other’s being fat. Is it that big a sin?
Being fit is important; I have no doubts about that. But you don’t have to become an anorexic by denying yourself the pleasure of food. Gluttony is a sin, eating is not. The days when I have to enter the gym, I feel like the most depressed person on earth and curse the almighty and all his counterparts for making me a fat child.
My tip to all you women who are going through this struggle is one: Just do things that make you happy; do nothing else. Being happy is almost equal to feeling fit.
Don’t go to the gym if it depresses you. Here’s what I ve replaced my gym-time with:
Swim. It’s an out of the world feeling which brings so much peace to the mind and in the process makes you lose weight. I love it!
Skate. No, age is not an issue here. I have just started my skating classes. At 24, I don’t feel old for this. It gives you an immense sense of control over your body, makes you fearless, happy and lose weight. Look around at the kids skating besides you, energy and happiness will come to you naturally.
Dance. Its pure elation. If you are a sexy person, try salsa… If you are a freedom lover, try hip-hop. There are a so many dance forms. Take up weekend classes and see what magic it adds to your life and body.
When there are so many happy options, why go to the gym? However, if you are into exercising, working out in a gym or aerobics is good. I personally prefer the other fun options.
The trick is to eat right (chocolate included), sleep right and be happy. Avoid things that are taxing to your mind. Breathe in. Breathe out. Relax… I am still working on this!
And always remember, its ok be fat as long as your are healthy. It only means that there will be more of you to be loved!

Her mankind. His womankind

I am a woman. I like jokes. I love laughing at my own faults. I will lie on the floor and sob for the guy I love. I’ll kick a guy’s you-know-what when the need comes. Just saying.
I like men. I can’t live without them and most of the times I feel like I can’t live with them. I feel happy when a guy compliments me. I like his eyes on me. I adore my dad. Just saying.
The honest reason behind the above mentioned ‘just saying’ is to imply to the general public that I am not a dyke, nor am I a feminist. I am a normal girl trying hard to prove a point.
The real story:
God made mankind. And then the womankind. The womankind seduced the mankind into eating some apple or something. And meanwhile what actually happened was that the villain serpent slyly gobbled down the almighty’s dictionary named ‘what the womankind really means – special edition for the safety and understanding of the mankind’. And the serpent’s assistant hid the other one ‘what the mankind is capable of doing — special edition for the safety and understanding of the womankind’. So that’s where this whole: “What? But you said No. How am I supposed to know that it means ‘Yes’?”… “You told me you d kiss me goodnight every night of our lives, while were dating. I forgot when u looked at me last!” things started. So now we know whom to blame. Have you ever tried learning French grammar without the help of a dictionary? It turns you insane, that’s the exact same reason why the world is going mad trying to understand each other’s language.
I wonder if it’s that difficult to understand the other species. Ok, so cricket is a religion. There are million other religions, one more added to that list. So what’s the big deal? Fine, the wet towel should not rot on the mattress. Ok, let it rot somewhere else instead. So difficult? Insists on 50 phone calls each day? Negotiate with love and bring it down to 5 calls and of course, call. Prevents you from socializing? Negotiate a deal. Take them along with you. Show them the fun, and please get back home when the fun is done. Want sex today? Ask sweetly. Don’t want sex today? Deny with love. I am not stereotyping anything here. I know of two of my best girlfriends who worship cricket, a guy friend who follows cricketism. I know a friend’s boyfriend who never lets her go off the phone and a girlfriend who never let’s her guy cut the call. I know a girl who is a party animal and a guy who is a night beast. So nothing is relating to one sex in particular. Times have changed; stereotypes are boring and almost non-existent.
Rule No. 1 is of-course to find the right person. I don’t mean that you should walk around with a questionnaire and get it filled. What I mean is to find someone who can strike a cord. It’s inhuman to force yourself into a wrong relationship and expect the other person to completely change to suit your requirements. Find your match instead. Soul-mates, some people say. Go for that!
Fight heartily but don’t forget to hug and sleep, no matter what
Bite each other’s head off but have at least one meal together, no matter what
Hang out with your boys/girls often, and discuss the fun you had over the meal
Commit your heart and let your body follow your heart
Fall out of love, but fall back in quickly
Be friends.
Listen to music together. One of your favorite songs. One of theirs
Read books. Discuss them.
Learn his sense of direction. Absorb her sense of care
Be the father. Become the mother
Smile. Laugh. Cry.
A Casanova friend of mine who was once strictly against commitment now tells me that he should have gotten married much earlier. It took him ‘marriage’ to realize how much fun it is to have a woman with him. A ‘men?? Yuck!’ woman friend of mine genuinely confessed to me that marriage was by far the best thing that’s happened to her.
The key to all happiness is not hidden in a Harry Potter maze. It’s out there in the open, for all of us to see. Whether you are a man or a woman, open your heart and accept the other person’s shortcomings the way you would accept your own. Let the good times take over the bad ones. Smile if it could mean a lot to the other person. Say I love you. Confess I miss you. Fart when you want to. Burp if you have to. It’s really that simple! Try it.