Every-time I get on an escalator, I think about him.

And about my last attempt that failed. With no drama from my end and no emotions from his end.

So much for all that time and thought spent together.

It hurt, I think.

I want:

A cotton pant that fits right

A better job

A button to cancel out loans

One tablet to take, every-time I want to smile

A new dress for every Monday morning.

One manual memory eraser

Delectable food that never gets stored as fat on my body

A body with a better shape

one superpower

A personal Santa Claus

Less of prayers

A heart, to give

Many other hearts, that give

A song that sounds good when I sing

A musical instrument which i can play

One talent

A dance, for me

The ability to say 'Fuck off' and mean it.

A man with a 'Yours Forever' tag attached on him (Non-negotiable)

happiness, abound.

If you have some thing, and you can keep it with you, as yours, forever -- its worth having.

If you have some thing, and you get to keep it only at times -- its not worth having.

Irrespective of what the thing is.

Door mat.
And a fancy one at that.

Read and lovvvvvvvvvvved!

http://30andhappy.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2009-05-26T14%3A43%3A00%2B05%3A30

so many people running on the tread mill.

the thin girl is running from the divorce thats yapping at her heels. its so close now that she can feels its hot breath on the back of her legs. she runs faster and harder, but it never seems to get tired or slow down. that dirty dog.

on the treadmill next to her, the fat lady, running from the doctors. they've jumped into an ambulance and they've got the sirens blaring. they're coming to take her away, to jab needles in her arms and take her blood pressure and pump her with pills. run lady. run. your life depends on it.

in the mirror i can see the gay hair dresser. trying to run like a boy. every now and then, his arms flap a bit, like he's just spotted his favourite rock star, and like he's going to faint, and like, its like, just too much. eeeeeeeeee.

then there's the 40 something woman running from her age.

the israeli body guard running behind the terrorists, running from the terrorists, running with anger, running from fear, running to save his girlfriend, and the rabbi and the wife.

the 40 something man. running to forget. forget the woman he loves. loved. forget that she married someone else. forget the times they made love together. forget. forget. forget.

and then me. i'm just running so i don't get fat :)

When all what you admired is exactly what you are detesting -- you should know that 'like' is turning into 'dislike'

Disliking is a feeling that grows on you as time passes. Like the poison that spreads. There is no escape from it. Respect your past admiration and your present thought. Kill it.

One more vacation coming to an end and as always, I did absolutely nothing. Feels terrific :)

I had made only ten billion plans when I was coming from Bangalore to Coimbatore. Meet so many friends, go on a short trip with family, meet people from my previous workplace... And all I did is eat, sleep, read and knit. Just two more days and am off to Bangalore (which now feels like a night's dream or something). Not sure if I am too happy about it. Going back to Bangalore, I mean.

Some promises are good to make. Simply because they are symbiotic (mutually beneficial).

When you promise someone that you ll care for them forever, through your actions or just through words, It also means that you will take good care of yourself -- so that you will be around long enough to keep up your promise.

Sometimes mighty Corporates have insipid ways of dealing with business. It makes me wonder how they got mighty on the first hand.

Helplessness hurts both the one who needs the help and the one who wants to help!

It's funny how we are so engrossed in bitching about other people's shortcomings that we almost always forget to think about our own.

I abhor and crib about people who speak loudly on their phones, everytime. I never noticed how my loud music irritates other people. hmmm... bad bad me.

'I love you' he said
She smiled on the other end of the phone. Wondering 'is it the alcohol talking'
'Tell me the same when you are not drunk' she said
'I am not drunk, you know that'
She liked to believe that he wasn't.
'Maybe you are not, but I want you to stand in front of me and tell me'
'So, you don't love me?'
'Ask me when we meet in person'
very sheepishly he said fine and cut the call. She smiled...

She wondered if he dint mean what he said.

She was right.

My friend (Kruti) just gifted me with a silver anklet with shades of purple in it.

I have been wanting an anklet for god knows how long.
I am so happy that I want to dance like those females do in tamil films :)

You crave for something wholeheartedly for a very long time -- with tears swelling your eyes and beg life to grant you that wish. Life grants it -- when it no longer matters, when your heart has already refused to feel anything anymore.

Life is mean.

Any change -- small or big, has to be sudden. Else it ll never happen.

So thinks me...

Man talks about men

Quite unexpectedly I happened to meet a friend last Saturday. We were in one of those over-crowded, under-lit pubs in Bangalore... Loud music, alcohol, crowd -- I wasn't too shocked when everybody around me were getting drunk. He sat next to me and announced that he is going to flirt with me. I dint mind his joke.

He placed a half empty Tuborg bottle on the table, next to an empty one.

Someone started off with the topic about relationships and each of us were confessing about what all shit we ve gone through (mine was the least eventful among the lot).

My birthday was just a few hours away and he told me -- "Its your Birthday night. I ll tell you something about men which i think you should remember when you get into a relationship'

I have listened to a lot of drunken philosophies in the last one year. So again, I dint mind what was going to come.

'I ll tell you how men think about women. Hmmmm... fine, I ll explain in context with the two beer bottles that are in front of us'

Me -- Go on. Listening...

He - 'There are two bottles on the table. One empty, one half full. I only plan on picking the half full bottle and care a damn about the empty one. Do you know why?'

Me - Why?

He - Because, the half full bottle still has something in it for me. The empty bottle is.... 'empty'. I have had it!

Me - hmmm... (i was understanding)

He - This half full bottle is giving me reasons to get back and hold it. That's how a man want his woman to be. Every woman needs love to be the reason. And every man needs a reason to be in love. U understand? A man loves a woman until the day she sleeps with him. After that, no matter how much he is love with her, in his eyes, she has nothing more to offer. So, he naturally falls out of love.

Me - hmmmm....

He - So what I am telling you is... When u love someone, give him what you want to... but, at the same time, make sure that there still something left out (that you have not given) and make sure that he knows that. That will be his reason to come back and hold you. Got me? No matter how far he goes, he ll come back to you for what you still haven't offered yet. An empty beer bottle doesn't interest the man. Half full is more interesting.

Me - Got it.

For some reason, I believed what he said. I needed no proof. This advice will be something I ll remember in the days to come.

On a different context: While writing this I remembered what another friend of mine had written on his Orkut profile:
from my past relationships i learned:
In the words of my Demi God, Homer J Simpson

" Woman are like beer. They smell good. They look good. You would step over your own mother just to get one. But you can't stop at one. You want to drink another woman".

----

What's with women and beer? grrrr.....

A breath-taking love affair....

Recently I watched the movie/drama 2012 and at the end of it I was enlightened with one thing – The world is gonna be full of water in a few years. Everybody survived in the film because they knew to swim. So what happens to poor ignorant mortals like me?

I walked out of the theater deciding to already learn to swim. I made my shopping list, which had to be dealt with right away.

1. Swim Suit – What the heck! I wouldn’t be wearing a swim suit when the world suddenly decides to drown. I ll be in my night clothes. So, shouldn’t I be learning to swim in my pyjamas? Cut the crap. I don’t have a body for swim suits and can never ever imagine myself wearing something like that. I was devastated with the very first obstacle. :( My friend pulled open my blind eyes – If I go swimming, I might just get a body worth a swim suit. But ofcourse, I ll ve to swim for that. So yes, we went suit hunting and there was only one swim suit in the whole of Bangalore which could cater to my unreasonable demands. No sleeveless (possibly full sleeved, yeah rite!), Decent neckline, Long! (#$%^!) and blah blah blah… So I grabbed that grandma version of a swim suit and ran to the billing counter. The shopkeeper gave me an atom bomb in the form of a bill for tat hardly 2 meter cloth. I gulped, paid and ran out.

2. Shower Cap - Yes, It dint occur to me at all. Thanks to my ignorance. My friend enlightened me again n then we went back for a shower cap. The first one was made of the same material cycle tubes are made of. And was the size that ll fit my kitten’s head. My friend struggled her head into it. I couldn’t breathe, just looking at her. So we opted for another cap which looked exactly like the ones that are tied around the heads of babies, except that it dint have a Winnie-the pooh on it. It was plain black, much to my happiness.

3. Waking up early in the morning

Sigh! Some people are not made to do certain things and this was exactly the thing I am not made for. I ll have to wake up at 6 everyday for the next 15 days. I was depressed again.

The D-day:

I don’t know how but I was so excited with all the shopping that I woke up even before my alarm did. Quickly ran around getting ready and on stepping out I realized that it was pouring. I was depressed all over again. On finding out that my classes weren’t canceled, I decided to reach there somehow, even if it meant hiring a submarine (thanks to BTM roads). So I went there and met this super irritating jackass coach. Some people demand a frown, he did and I gave that to him. However, I wasn’t going to let anything/anyone kill my interest.

The pool is decent, blue n all. 5 feet water (ok, u can laugh. I am only 5 4” feet, so with a bit of determination I can drown in this pool). The water was cold anyways. Over that the rain and the skimpy thing I was wearing – I was shivering, making sounds like a typewriter. I thought I was bad but the guy shivering next to me put me to shame.

So yes, first day classes were held by a helper uncle while that supposed coach stood with an umbrella, out of the pool. I was almost convinced that Swimming trainers were people who gave ONLY verbal and moral support. I was wrong (thank god!). That frowning idiot was not our coach. Ours was OOTP (Out of the Pool, like OOTO – Out of the Office) that day coz of the rain while we were ‘shivering in the rain’

Helper Uncle – Head under waaater medam, Bubbbbleees medam, bubbbless.

Me – Nose under water

H.U – Medam, full head under water

Me – Forehead under water

H.U – Medaaaaaaaaaam, Full head with shower cap inside.

Me – I crouched and managed to put my head into water and started bubbling. When it was too much fun I should have realized that I was going wrong somewhere. I was indeed.

H.U – Medam… No bending hand. Keep straight. Head down.

Me – There you go…

So first day officially included bubbleeeeeeing, Holding the wall and floating and unofficially included shivering, losing breath, frowning, cribbing and many such adjectives. But overall, I must admit, It was too much fun. Enough fun to keep me motivated to wake up the next day. I did….

And so continues my daily steamy (swim-suit), breath taking (literally) affair with water. Over-Chlorinated, yes. But, water it is!

A girl who lost... A woman who never moved on... A wife who lied... A middle-aged woman who was never fully happy... An old woman who died guilty. Life's worth, lost in thought.

Unwanted.

Some people have the problem of not having any problem to deal with. God bless them all with a few problems.

One issue, too many friends and a lot of funny chat....

I required skype for an official purpose - to interview a US based photographer and when I tried logging in today, i wasnt getting through. On checking with my team mates, I got to know that its not working for all of them. In a attempt to figure out if AOL has blocked skype, I got in touch with a few of my friends. This is what happened.

First comes Vijay:
vsn.vsn: why u wana record (the photographer)?
What will you do Interviewing him?
me: its for an audio interview da
vsn.vsn: Is it gona get published in CNN IBN?
me: no its gonna go live on pixcetera (which is my bread n butter)
vsn.vsn: That's all.. you cal me,.,
i'll speak as if am a photographer
(more bread, more butter)
What say?
me: i laughed for that.. but still... 'poda thendi'
vsn.vsn: why laugh? when I say something serious?

next comes Gaurav Sharma:

me: heyy do u ve skype installed on ur office system?
me.aryan: it don't work...
um not able to login
me: damn!1
since wen?
me.aryan: from dec 2007
thats when I joined AOL
hehe
me: hahaha

Followed by Ranjith:
me: ranj.. ninte system mein skype idiya?

Ranjith: illa kano.
yakke?
me: aol network mein skype not workin kane... sakath anger coming.. grr
Ranjith: ... ninge baay frend abroadaa?
me: adhikke bere network mein skype work aagatha anthe check maadthaidini....
Ranjith: auda? naan check maadi get back to you...saakaa?
Sent at 4:04 PM on Wednesday
me: eppo get back...
Ranjith: say 15 minutes?
me: ohh great
Ranjith: nange friendo jothe skype ithe. appo avanodu chodichattu ninathra i will say
national integration through languages
me: haha you are right say!
(Please note that this particular chat had Malayalam, Tamil, Kannada, English and Hindi words in it. Hmmph!)

In short.. I ve a very useful set of friends.. none of them gave me a feasible solution to the problem... all stupid boys... joking arnd! :P

Yesterday, while I was shopping with my friends, a lady simply yelled at me when my laptop bag rubbed on her arm, by mistake. I wasn't even aware. I lost my temper for a moment, my hands almost went up to strangle her. I held on. She went on. My friend yelled at her. She went on. I turned away, bit my lip, clenched my fist,ignored. She went on. Rascals, fools... what not.

If I had strangled her, I would ve been all the above. Good that I dint. I have been a rascal before. Hurts to even think. Whatever led to this change in me has completely taken over my capability to be rude. I cant make myself hurt anybody who deserves to be. I don't know if this is good or bad.

Blind Cat, I want to be

I like to keep my eyes closed and blindly believe that all's good. I am like a cat in this regard. The real problem arises when I am forced to open my eyes.

Blind cat. That's what I want to be. Now, and for the 9 lives I am yet to live.

Everytime I am troubled or confused or sad or all of it, I feel like running.
Maybe I should buy a treadmill for myself. I might lose some fat. hmm!

Found this fun to read through blog:
http://30andhappy.blogspot.com/

Its simple, promises nothing big... but, brought a smile on my face :)

When in pain, cut off whatever gives you that pain.

I dreamt that I am suffering from Cancer. And somehow, I could feel the pain too. I woke up crying in the middle of the night and cried for a very long time. Seeking for a loved one around, searching for someone to share the pain with and above all, feeling terribly alone (something I haven't felt in ages). I still don't know why.

And now, I have in me some more new-born respect for people who suffer from this painful disease. Take all the blessings (if any) you have in store for me lord and give it off to them. I am happy with what I have. I need no more. They need it.

Dial Justdial - For anything (and everything)

Marriage, no matter how scary it is for the bride, it is super exciting for the bridesmaids. Very true in our case. Let me introduce to you the 4 member ASS'S club (yes, that's all our first names put together)
FYI - The name ASS'S denotes what we possess, not what we are. (If you can understand, that is. Wink wink).
Last week, one of the ASS'S member Hush broke this exciting news to us - she was going to get married. Our happiness knew no bounds, yes, we were all yelling in the office shuttle.

'yay! We should have a spinster party. It's 'hush's' big day. Let's celebrate!!' said SN
With an exaggerated smile I agreed and so did 'Ana'
Once the initial news breaking moment settled in, horns popped up on all our heads, and it popped first on Miss. SN's head, of-course.

'Ladies!' she announced, 'Let's hire a stripper for the party'
I choked on that statement and Ana looked clueless (as ever!). Of course we dint take the time to explain to her what a stripper meant. It was action time already.

Once seated cozy on the very uncomfortable food-court chairs, SN was pondering on the 'stripper' thought and ta-da! she came up with a million dollar suggestion - 'Let's call just dial'
'WTF!!!' I snorted
Hush couldn't believe her ears, eyes, nose, head, and everything else..
'Am serious guys, Lets call just dial and get a stripper's number' saying so SN called Just dial and here's what happened:

Justdial - Hello Justdial, how may I help you?
SN - Hi my name is SN and I was wondering if you could give me the contact number of a Bangalore Stripper
Justdial - Ok. U need the number of a Bangalore Slipper?
SN - (Giggling) No, Not slipper. I need the number of a Stripper "S-T-R-I-P-P-E-R"
Justdial - Sorry mam. I am not able to understand.. Could you please explain your exact requirement in detail.
SN - (holding the phone away) F!#% she wants me to explain my requirement!
All of us - Ha ha ha ha!!!
Justdial - Mam, are you there?
SN - I think I shud cut the cal

Saying so - she cut the call, threw the mobile on the table and with a saint-like face she said 'My god! I don't believe I just did that' and all of us laughed our guts out.

Two minutes later:
'Just dial guys wont sue me for this right?' (SN with a question mark like face!)
[Hahaha!! They ll not sue you, nor will they ever forget u ;)]
---------------
Towards the end of the day, I narrate this whole incident to my friend and he says:

'So, did u get the number for a stripper'
'No silly ofcourse no'
'Well, if you happen to get the number, please pass it on to me'
A thousand question marks rose in my head
'Holy shit! why would you need the number for a Male stripper??'
'Damn! u girls were looking for a MALE stripper????????????'
'~!#!##$^#$%^#$% Alleluia!'
Hehe!

Versatile human mind...

Its interesting how my mind travels at times.
I can visit atleast at 10 different places at the same time, think of a zillion thoughts, and still keep working.
This instance,
I am in dubai talking to the aunt I am chatting with now.
I reached home, at Coimbatore - the moment my aunt asked my about my dad
At a theater in Coimbatore watching Ayan - as I listen to the song that's playing on my headphones
Dancing Salsa, Bachata and Zouk at a workshop in Bangalore - as i look at a Facebook event invite
Thinking of last evening and wondering if I really wanted it - as a chat window pops up
Song changed - Thinking of a friend I like dancing with (Ranjith)
Thinking of this blog post - And Sony's killer comments that ll follow
Smiling - Reminds me of a midnight surprise visit
Surprise - wondering why I can never get enough of it
get enough of it - remembering him.
trash - trash it
Trash it - My room needs a dustbin
dustbin - I liked the one I saw in Landmark
landmark - Bought gifts for Shweta (my friend)
Shweta - Sharu
Sharu - Her mom
Her mom - my mom
My mom - smile
smile :)
...................... and on and on it goes.
Cluttered thoughts or should I say, Versatility of the human mind?

Imagination dissolved in reality... 'What should be' taken over by 'what is'... I am still wondering if I should laugh or cry.

Tackling differences is difficult. More so when people on both ends believe that their way is the best. Its like running around in circles.

Heard and loved -
Experience is about:
how much music you've listened to,
how many movies you've watched,
how much you have loved,
how much you've been hurt,
how much you've read,
how much you've seen the world,
how much you've lived your life

and... maybe how old you are.

A wish made by self and a promise made to self, should never be broken.

Its too difficult to understand what's running in another person's head, as difficult as understanding what's running in my own.

Another wish fulfilled!

My Little Wishes
11. Get caught by a cop. The karnataka cops intrigue me. I want to know if thy can accuse someone, in english. I will make sure that I dont let them know I understand Kannada. :)

Well, no. Karnataka cops cannot accuse somebody in English. It was an all Kannada verbal assault happening around me.

Cop - 'Do you know Kannda' (he asked in Kannada)
Me - 'No'
Cop - 'See. She doesn't even know Kannada'

Wasn't it common sense to know that when somebody responds to your (non-body gesture involved) question, it means that they understand the language u were talking in? :P

I always thought that I ll shiver and die at the very thought of getting caught by a cop. Well, this time, I think I started getting scared. But, eventually it all turned out to be funny. Like one of those comedy scenes in a Tamil movie. :P I did enjoy this scene ;)

But... I don't want it to happen again. Hell, no!

With the idea of maintaining atleast one percent privacy in my personal life (thanks to blogging), I am not going to mention how I got caught.
(No, I wasn't stealing, nor was I drunk n driving.)

Silly nothings...

v: DI..

  HOW ARE YOU

 me: am good...

  are u so excited to see me tat u are typing in capital letters

  tat too in bold?

  wow! am touched! ;)

3:31 PM v: AYYADA (yeah rite!)

 me: now italics... yay!! :)

 v: ;-)

3:32 PM me: now smiley.. yay yay!

 v: Jump jump jump :) :) :)

 me: yay! now three jumps n three smileys... looks like u like me a lot :P

3:33 PM v:

  

  

  

  

  

 me: now no love :(

  am hurt!

Her story...

'What are you so scared of? I wont hurt you, I never will' he typed to the girl on the other end of the sms.
'I am just scared. I don't know why.' she said to him
'Tell me what is disturbing you. I might be of help'
'I am scared to be hurt. I don't even want to give it a try'
'I will never ever hurt you'
':)'
':) :) :)'

Days passed and the friendship grew - wait a minute. It was never friendship. It was not love yet. The very first time they started to talk to each other, they knew they were right for one another. He never said, she understood. She never asked, he always gave.

'But, I havent seen you clearly. I vaguely remember your face. Hardly noticed you a couple of times.' she smiled as she typed.
'Yes, only if you had responded to all those 'Hi's' I told you every morning when I walked into class. ' he sighed
'I wish I did. Things would ve been so much different'
'Yes. We would ve known each other atleast a year ahead. Dumbo, you wasted an entire year'
'Yes. Dumbo. me. I wasted an entire year. Sorry :('
'We still have lot many years in our hands'
':)'
':) :) :)'

For the most part, he lived in a different city where he pursued his passion. She loved his passion, not because she understood it, but just because he loved it. To think of it, she did have a tiny tinge of jealousy towards that passion of his -- the reason why he had to be away all the time. She was happy, nevertheless.

'Lets cut the call. You have to wake up early tomorrow.'
'No please. Lets keep talking.'
'But why, we can talk tomorrow. Its really late. You wont be able to wake up early.'
'I will. Please keep talking until I sleep off.'
'But that's what we do everyday. Tomorrow is a big day for you, sleep. please'
'Ok. Cut the call then'
'No. You cut it.'
'No. You.'
'No. You. Please.'
'No'
'Please'
'Fine. I will.' he said
she smiled
'good night'
'Good night'
'Bye'
'Bye'
'Good Night'
'Good Night'
'bye'
'Haha'
'hahaha'
'Cut the call.. grrr'
'Fine. Bye :)'
':)'
':) :) :)'


'How was today?'
'Very patiently, I asked an irritating fellow to 'Fuck Off''
'Haha. Does that mean the day was good'
':) Yes, that was the only good thing about today'
'What's that song on the radio'
'My fav'
'I like it too :)'

'The invisible angel has started her rounds in my room.'
'My Hi to her'
'She is listening'
':) Not fair. The ghost angel in your room gets to be with you. And I dont.:('
'Come here. Now'
'Right there'
':)'
':) :) :)'

Days became months and this long distance chit-chatting went on. Even after months, they never seemed to get enough of each other. They did a lot of things together - as they spoke. The distance couldn't do much about the way they liked one another. They went on long drives, he holding her hands. Ate together in one of those tiny eating places in the city he lived (although she knew nothing about the place). Went for walks, watched movies, woke up in love -- all without being physically together. It was only natural when both of them craved to meet each other, after three months of living together virtually. The date was set. He was coming. Her excitement knew no bounds. He was overwhelmed too. So, they met. She thought he was beautiful and kept cursing herself for not noticing it earlier. He made her feel beautiful. The long drive happened. He held her hand. Both of them remained quiet throughout, a million questions being answered.

'promise me that you will be mine when I ask you to.'
'I will. I promise'
':)'
':) :) :)'

Everything was perfect. Until that day...

He had to leave.
She understood. But hoped that he wouldn't.
He left.
She was hurt.She loved him. But never got to tell him.
He knew she loved him. He loved her too. He had to leave.
They kept in touch.
She tried to make him feel that nothing was wrong. It dint quite work.
He knew everything was wrong.
She missed him, terribly.
He missed her too.
Life had to move on. Years had to pass.

In three long years, life had offered a lot to both of them. Much more than expected. She no longer knew what was in his mind. He was far off, and so were his thoughts from her. She tried to move on. Nothing worked. She no longer felt like killing herself for having lost him. But, could never make herself love anyone else as much as she loved him.

The feeling of emptiness remained and over years she had learnt to live with it. But, she wanted to know if that short period of togetherness meant anything for him. She could never guess.

After years, He came back. To tell her how much he missed her. How much he was living in denial.

Although she knew that he was never going to be hers, she was overwhelmed. Despite having lost so many things, She did win. She was rewarded. At last.

Now. Its her time to move on.

A puppet tries to breakfree and the thread twines all over its neck, strangling it.
A puppet allows to be puppeted around and it feels strangled.
Poor Puppet.

Dreams do come true... and so do wishes

First of all, to understand what I am talking about, read: 25 things I want to do before I leave bangalore

Dreams do come true... and so do wishes.. Here's my proof:

20. Get wet in the cold bangalore rains. Eat ice creams. Shiver. Fall sick. Sleep cozy. Suffer through the night. Wake up. Get going!

Been there, done that. Will never forget this experience. It was more like a reality check -- realized how physically weak I am. Notes: Wear socks, shoes, mufflers, jackets, and every possible thing when a crazy guy suddenly decides that he wants to go have a coffee - 60 kms away from the city - at midnight! Loved it! :)

3. Go for one of those underground salsa clubs and dance like its the last day of my life. I have enacted out this one experience a zillion times in my head already. Am sure reality will be way more sensuous!

Yes, I was right. Reality was way more sensuous than my imagination. :) Again, Loved it!

2. I want to go to Nandi Hills and see the sunrise. It will be the first big sunrise I ll see in my life. (not too sure of the future)

Although I dint wait for the sunrise, I did see this heavenly place. Simply Beautiful! :) I am going back to see the sunrise, very soon!

Difference or Indifference?

‘Is this the way things work around here?’ asked the tomato

‘Yes’ said the apple

‘We all work this way. Each and every one of us. And you being one among us, why do you even ask?’ reasoned the grapes

‘Er.. emm… I don’t know’ confessed the tomato; a prominent frown of confusion adorning his face. ‘It doesn’t seem right. I don’t work this way’

‘But ofcourse you do, you belong here. We are all fruits. We have the same properties. We are used the same way’ explained Mr. Orange

‘No. I don’t posses any of your properties. I am not used to your ways. I do not belong here’

‘Then, where do you think you belong?’

‘I don’t know.’

------------

I was born in this society, among all these people and have always been trained to live in here. After all these years why am I still not too sure?

‘So, what is wrong in drinking? It’s your body and some level of losing your senses make you feel heavenly’ explained a friend when I said no to the alcohol she offered to me.

‘When I am so proud of my senses, why would I let something as low and dirty as alcohol to take over it?’ I reasoned

‘Well… you are mad’ she said

:(

‘Why can’t you just date him for a while? If it doesn’t work, chuck it and move on.’ Said another friend

‘Well, when I know on my face tat he is not right for me, why should I date him?’

‘Honey, no man is ever right for a woman. It’s just how well you deal with him not being right for you.’

‘But, I know there is going to be a Mr. Right. And I am in no hurry. I ll wait for my fairytale to happen’

‘Fairytales are for kids. When you grow up, you get real’

‘No, my fairytale will come true’

‘Yeah... Dream on’

:(

‘Why do you have to be so particular? It’s ok to let go sometimes. Who is going to question you?’

‘Nobody’

‘Then just get going.’

‘I can’t’

‘Why? When there is no one to question you, anything you do is right.’

‘What about personal discipline?’

‘Personal... what? Gosh! You are mad’

:(

‘Why are you so indifferent?’

‘I am not indifferent. Am just… different’

:(

I always wanted to be different from everyone, like everybody else wants. And when some situations make me feel completely alien from my species, it keeps me wondering. So, who decides what is right and what is wrong?

Should I follow the mob or go my way?

She: ooooo..... losing weight han!

Me: Really (one big spark on my face) Thanks! blush blush

She: So tell me... who is he?

Me: eh? he? who?

She: The inspiration.

Me: eh?

She: uff.. who is the inspiration factor behind this weight loss?

Me: errr...emm.. my jeans?

hah! :P

Incredible Sharu....

On a crazy busy day, my chat window pops up:
Her: "I know you are busy but, one small suggestion to reduce the weight of ur laptop... clear or delete all unnecessary softwares and files from it!"
Me - @#%$^#$!!!
Her: Ok. Now that my job is done, carry on with ur work :P

Silly, naughty, sexy (self proclaimed, ahem), Incorrigible Flirt -- Meet Sharvari Nittur a.k.a Sharu



For everybody who lives in Bangalore, usual mornings are undoubtedly annoying because of one reason -- Traffic. Well, for me, there's more than one reason :)

A girl (ok fine, woman!) half asleep, drowsy, dreamy, hunched fatso carrying a 100 kg laptop bag -- yes that's me, walks into my company shuttle and there she is, seated cozily on 3/4th of the already small shuttle seat. Not to forget, the remaining 1/4th of the seat she saves for me to fit my ass into. (dont ask me how I manage that!)

Along with our usual game of trafficking starts our spicy gossip session. Both of us are like mosquitoes in the shuttle - For a continuous 45 mins to 1 hr, we go on and on, non-stop. Most of the time bitching (about others), and rest of the time praising (ourselves) the shuttle journey is something I look forward to every working day. Whoever wrote stuff like:

"Its not the destination that matters, its the journey
The destination is always half as exciting as the journey"
I now Know what inspired them to make such statements. Shuttle journey with Sharu is definitely fun. And about the destinaton, nevermind! ;)

Our bitching spectrum spreads out evenly to cover every soul inside and outside the shuttle, invariably. :) Sometimes its somebody's hair, sometimes their clothes and sometimes their very being that triggers the gossip queen within us. And oh dear,we love it or what! :)

So, lets get back to Sharu:
Fun to be with, hilarious, intelligent, beautiful single mom - Sharu has lots to tell the world. (Oh, am gonna slyly not mention about her incapabilty to think clean/straight. She can embarrass the pope! But the best part is, he ll love the conversation too :))

Give her a typhoon and she ll tell you how simple it is to ignore it! Yes, that is one quality in her which keeps me wondering.

After all that she has gone through in her life, (no, will not expand on that) it takes true strength to acknowledge happiness, true courage to move on, true humanity to trust again and a true lover to want to love again.So this post, besides from being an attempt to introduce her (or pull her legs), is, in all means a small note of the abundant respect I have for her. I honestly donot possess in me the power to be you Sharu. Its impossible, period.

One of the most funniest blogs I have ever read: http://poomanam.blogspot.com
She is too funny! :)

Situation - Cold night. Heavy rain. Good shelter in a petrol bunk. More stranded people for company :) A mobile in hand and a girl on the other end of the sms.

He: Bit romantic ok. I would dream being with a girl. Ofcourse whom I like. And a peg of whiskey.. And a cigarette. Romance with the lady. Have a sip of whiskey, have a drag.. again romance.. Goes on.. Till the rain stops ;0D
She: On the romantic lines - sit real close to him, hold hands, lie on his shoulder and enjoy the rain with a good conversation.
He: In that case, I could be an option :) You can hold my hand.. Lie on my shoulder and enjoy the rain. Meanwhile, I ll do my part.. Ha ha..
She: :) thanks for the offer. Someday if the need arises, I will consider the offer. But then, I mite not like to be loved in line with alcohol and cigars.
He: If at all the time comes and you consider the offer, then I will trash alcohol and cigar :)

.....and so the converastion went on. :)

Dad - Come home this weekend!
Me - Dad no! I cant.. I ll miss my dance classes
Dad - U and your silly dance classes
Me - No, its not silly dance classes. Its Salsa dance classes
Dad - Pode. Come home for the ganapathy homam.
Me - Accccchhhhha.... :( I came home only two week's ago.
Dad - So what.. come..
Me - Dad. I am broke. I cant come. I ll come for Diwali.
Dad - Oh!
Me - successssss! (in my head ofcourse)
Dad - Ok fine. I ll call you later.
Me - okkk..kkk. Bye

After an hour:
Me - Endha acha? (what dad?)
Dad - Debited some money into your account. Now come. A smug look on his face (or so I imagined)
Me - grrrrrrrrrr
Dad - Hahaha!

Moral Of The Story - I have the cutest, crankiest, silliest dad in the whole wide world. :) Dove him!!

1 USD = (a whooping) 47.9695 INR
1 INR = (a minuscule) 0.0208466 USD

Its a mean world!

He - "If Romeo and Juliet were born in India, we would have celebrated 'Romeo Jayanthi' and 'Juliet Jayanthi'.."
Me - Ahahahaha...

Read and loved -
I dreamed of a wedding of elaborate elegance,
A church filled with flowers and friends.
I asked him what kind of a wedding he wished for,
he said - 'one that would make you my wife'

25 little things I want to do before I leave Bangalore..

1. Click a picture from the top of Jayadeva Flyover. Yes, as crazy as it sounds, I want to do it. Everytime am on a bus or auto and I am on the top of the flyover, I look down and sigh. Its quite a sight from above, at night. I see thousands of vehicles vrooming and their lights form unabatable patterns which I want to click. I have always wished I had a two wheeler standing on which I can capture that bit of experience, which I ll cherish forever!

2. I want to go to Nandi Hills and see the sunrise. It will be the first big sunrise I ll see in my life. (not too sure of the future)

3. Go for one of those underground salsa clubs and dance like its the last day of my life. I have enacted out this one experience a zillion times in my head already. Am sure reality will be way more sensous!

4. Wonderla - yes. I want to go to there and spend one crazy day.

5. Dress up in a proper ghagra choli (with the accessories and all that) and play dandiya in one of those rajasthani places.

6. Have a movie day - watch as many movies I can in one day. In a theatre. And no, I am not talking about 3 shows. I want to watch 5 (or more)! Now how I will do it, is beyond my understanding.

7. Attend a crazy Bollywood night. No, not the one where they play all remixes. I want to go to a place where they still play the super cheesy 'mere khwabon mein' n all that.

8. LEARN TO SWIM. Yes. I want to do it before I step out of Bangalore.

9. Go wall climbing. yes. I. will. do . it. No matter what.

10. Shop. Shop. Shop (just cant get enough of this :P) - M.G Road, commercial Street, Jayanagar 4th block....

11. Get caught by a cop. The karnataka cops intrigue me. I want to know if thy can accuse someone, in english. I will make sure that I dont let them know I understand Kannada. :)

12. Fight with an auto driver. Yes, could never make myself do it. Preferably in Kannada.

13. Converse fluently in Kannada.

14. Learn to drive and then ride a bike. Preferably, an avenger :) (In my case, definitely not an easy task)

15. Sit facing the back of the bike and go for a long crazy ride, on the koramangala roads..

16. Travel in the same BMTC bus from 10 AM - 10 PM.

17. Go trekking. Yes, the last time I went to Coorg, I was such a depressed soul. I missed out on the fun trek. Want to compensate -- with all my heart.

18. Participate and win in one of those competitions happening in forum. Irrespective of what it is about. Singing, tongue twisters.. anything.

19. Play basketball. The last time I played it in Garuda Mall (on a miniature court), I LOVED It!

20. Get wet in the cold bangalore rains. Eat ice creams. Shiver. Fall sick. Sleep cozy. Suffer through the night. Wake up. Get going!

21 to 25 - will be updated...

So.... is love:
Falling in love with a person or
Falling in love with the idea of falling in love?

Read and loved...

"You're either a clay court specialist, a grass court specialist or a hard court specialist... or you're Roger Federer"

Wow!

Meet the new 'Hot' member on my work table.. Welcome home!



Isn't he cute? :))

(Apologize for the poor picture. It was shot using a mobile cam :))

Sometimes its important to 'Read between the lines' and sometimes its more important to 'Not read between the lines'

And if you are smart, you might just be able to figure out the difference between both situations. I personally never could differentiate.

Strange that it requires more energy to spread ones arms out and accept people. Much more energy than required to hate them.

Hating comes more naturally to me than forgiving.In some strange way hating someone gives me a sense of philosophical grief -- a grief which makes me feel accomplished. Yes, when I think of it, I liked living in agony than living with no emotion at all. I was depressed -- when all I had to do was to forgive.

Today, as I replace agony with happiness (and thousand means to find it), I am able to accept people, their shortcomings and inabilities -- just the way I d accept my own mistakes. Makes me feel like a better human being, a happier soul. I love this transformation in me...

"It's not as easy as it seems, to carry the weight of your dreams." - http://kanfoundit.blogspot.com/
Yes. Not even a bit easy.

"It's not as easy as it seems, to carry the weight of another's dreams."
Yes. (Either you take back your dreams or stay with me to bear the weight)

I could have avoided.
I could have ignored.
I could have lied that I've moved on.
I could have done a lot of things.
I dint. And I am happy about it :)
Yet another tempting mistake.... and I got tempted, this time again.

Craving for what I think I deserve or finding ways to rot in hell? I Wonder....

Sometimes things get so confusing -- I spend days together trying to untangle the mess. And once the confusion is cleared, I ask myself: Why did I even think that it was a mess on the first hand?

So much for all the effort! Damn me!

If you think that I am bad, bury that thought deep in your head. You tell me how bad I am, and I show you how much worser I can get. U decide!

I go to Pondicherry...

I do not intend to pen down a travelogue through this post. The reason is simple: I am geographically disabled. If you consider my travel story and set out to visit Pondi, I assure you that you will end up in Pamukkale. Well, people have their own inabilities!
What follows will be more like a scribble you make on your personal notepad. You will get to meet 8 new people here, glimpes of Pondicherry, places - quotes - instances I will remember for the rest of my life. (UQ - Unforgettable Quote, UI - Unforgettable Instance)

It all started off when Kiran came up with this 'cool' idea on a Monday morning - just after she got back from her weekend Pondicherry trip. Her idea was to dress me up in harem pants and t-shirts with those chunky beads and all that -- like the many other firangs you would see in Pondicherry. While we were discussing this, few other colleagues got together there. We quickly grabbed our coffee mugs and had a 'meeting' wherein we decided that we will leave to pondicherry in exactly two weeks time. Yes, that was a real quick decision. So the book/scribble pad obsessed Jo (a.k.a jyothy) marks out a portion on her book and passes it across the table to get a signature from each of the crew member [;)].
The book first goes to Kunal and he gives his trademark smug smile and draws a smiley. Well, he is mad... and so were the rest of us. All of us put in various smileys on that page and we marked it 'PONDICHERRY' -- and that culminated the deal! We were all now tied with an unbreakable vow (read Harry Potter) to be a part of the Pondicherry Expedition.

The crew members were:

(L-R) Kunal, Kruti, Sony, Kiran

Jyothy, Me, Laura And and and... Two tiny little starlets..

Megan and Maya

So on a Friday evening, two week's later, we wrap up work at around 7.30 and leave to Jyothy's house to grab a quick dinner and leave to the railway station. We board our train -- Garib rath, from Yeshwantnagar station at 11 PM. Contrary to the name, the train was quite chic, not to forget -- completely air conditioned! I guess whoever named the train was trying to be funny.

As soon as the train starts, Jo starts her sleep walking, and talking. She kept announcing to the world that 'She wants to sleep'. We were all calling her names (which she conveniently ignored). Once she was all set to take her place on the upper berth of the train, Kunal comes up with something which turns out to be a UQ for me - 'Jyothy... are you going to sleep? Dont you want to... to... Socilalize??' (heh!) This marks the beginning of our much anticipated expedition to Pondicherry!



Shots from within the train:

Little Meg wakes up and stares into oblivion.... a world of her own. Atleast 5 times in the trip I have noticed her looking somewhere and talking to some imaginary characters. :) Loved it! Maya (a.k.a Little miss Giggles) crying for nana (grandmom)

All of us were breaking our heads trying to get friendly with the kids -- Meg and Maya. But the kids knew better. They dint even let us look at them for atleast the first 2-3 hours. We were all bent on stalking them anyways, and four big cameras traveled all around the train clicking the kids from every angle... I wouldnt have really blamed them if they decided to break our camera lenses and our necks. As you say in Hindi -- 'Privacy bhi koi cheez hoti hain!' In the morning, myself and Kunal peep out of the train. He can easily pass off as the world's most fussy model. The guy would just not show me his face when am standing with a camera!! Fellow passengers! The much awaited Coffee-man (like spiderman) appears!

By morning, the train was quite cold. Kiran enjoying her hot cup of coffee.



Back to the 4 cameras -- We were no silly crew. We had Jyothy and Kruti -- Photo Journalists, Kunal - Fashion Photographer, and three other super (sometimes a little over) enthusiastic amateur photographers - Kiran, Sony and Myself. The professional photographers were quite sober I must say. But, we amateurs on the other hand, clicked anything & everything that was clickable... Autodriver to pizza to everything! Sony's theory was: Click 100 times and 10 of them might just be good! (UQ). I thought he ll work well as a paparazzi photographer! He used angles and perspectives incomprehensible to the limited knowledge of any human being (pro. photographers included)

It was Laura's Birthday the next day and we all sang for her in the train .

While you are still in the AC train, when shivering is replaced by sweating, you know that you have almost reached Pondi (UI) Yes, that is the only way I ll ever remember when to get down the train, if I happen to visit Pondi again!

We landed there and was accompanied by a local friend to this place called 'Ram Guesthouse'. We left our stuff there and walked over to have our breakfast/lunch. A beach side continental restaurant is where we ended up. Ordered some complicated food items and once it was all served I realized that I d kill to get a piece of South Indian Dosa. The idiot me! Continental is just not my thing! After food we decided to cut a cake (read brownie) to celebrate Laura's birthday.

The yummy Walnut brownie appears and we sing for Laura. Once she cuts the brownie.. 'Baaaahhh' goes Megan. For a moment I was lost. Why was she crying??

Poor thing was feeling left out coz it wasn't her birthday :) She kept telling everybody that it was not Laura's but Megan's birthday! I was reminded of my birthday obsessed sister then....Such a drama queen I tell you. Well, her tears did work. In less than 2 seconds, Meg got back all the attention she assumed to have lost. The crocodile tears vanished :)

Brownie (yummy) and Watermelon (Yuckk!) juice

Kruti smacking! Meg - drama again!

Kiran tries to be all woman-like

Beach, friends, sun....... fun... :) Say Pondi and the first thing that will come into anybody head are the beaches. Well, they are worth it, I must say...

Meg all muddy!

Jo - growing down

Sony enjoying the natural beauty of the beach, as he sleeps :)

This beads-wala uncle told me that the whole of Pondicherry has clicked pictures with him! (Snob!) However, he gifted me and Megan with a chain each :)

Hotties training the little one! ;)

Laura and Maya...

Sunlight....

That evening the local friend I had mentioned previously arranged for a neat dinner to celebrate Laura's Birthday. We went all dressed up for the dinner! The place was called 'Sambani's and it was single handedly taken care of by Sam ('Sam'bani). I was surprised to notice that he was the only guy in the kitchen cooking for all the people in the restaurant. That realization made me enjoy my grilled fish and rice much better! (UI) After a long day I got back to my room to catch up on some sleep...

The next morning, myself and kruti walked down to meet the other guys who were having English breakfast at 'La Cafe' on Beach road....

Beach side pics:



Black and White (because of the grains in the images): In less than 10 seconds her stage was set and the very young acrobat was already attracting attention....

After all the fun and sun, we rushed back to our rooms to change and get ready to board the bus. I change my clothes and step out of the bathroom. Maya was standing next to the cot examining an empty cream bottle Jo donated to her. She looks up at me, stares for a moment and says 'Pretty' and the little miss giggles does what she does the best - giggle :) (UI) Am sure the kid has no clue what pretty means. But to hear something like that from her meant a lot to me...

We catch a quick dinner at Pizzeria (Bad bad food). The pizza was served and megan, unaware, touches the plate. The heat hits her suddenly and in front of my eyes, I saw her melt small, like how ice melts in water. I haven't seen anything that has affected me that much. (UI) Her face at that moment, doesn't get out of my head! However, she quickly recovers and gets back to touching the hot pizza! Ah.. Kids!

We rush to the bus stop to board our buses. After a super bumpy ride, sometime in the early morning we reached Bangalore. By afternoon, we were all back at work. Mundane routine hit again.... well, I guess it more like the way of life now ... Pondi now feels like a dream....

(Apologize for the poor details. Just couldn't find the time to be more elaborate. Bear with me. I ll edit this post whenever I get the time)